Something To Build On
by nycgrl
Summary: COMPLETE - She was surprised, to say the least. At how tightly he held on, how frantic his kisses were, how he felt like home. RemusTonks
1. Hold On

Warning: OotP spoilers! Harry Potter belongs to the lovely and talented J.K. Rowling; I own nada.

~

Chapter 1

~

We're the same and you don't even know it  
We're afraid and we try not to show it and you're  
Tired and I am too so there's only one thing you  
Can do you've got to hold me ~Nina Gordon

~

They tried to talk to him. Everyone, that is. He was running out of grateful smiles for the "If you ever need to talk"s and "I know how you feel"s and "Are you okay?"s. Yes, he was okay. He was fine. His best friend is dead, his only family, the only reason that he even iwanted/i to be alive, the only reason he woke up in the mornings. 

But he wasn't crying his heart out about it. It's not like he'd been throwing things or kicking and screaming or even having nightmares. Not really. He wasn't denying his best friend was dead. Sure, his worn, beaten robes fit even more loosely on him than it had before. And he was paler. And didn't smile anymore. But he woke up in the mornings. He did his job for the Order. That was enough, wasn't it? He was fine.

"Are you okay, dear?" Remus glanced up from his thoughts, and vaguely saw Molly's worried face. iNO/i, a part of him wanted to scream, iNo, I'm not/i.

"Yes. I'm fine. Excuse me," he mumbled indifferently as he left the kitchen table, his dinner untouched, trying not to feel guilty for brushing Molly off so coldly.

He ran to his room, and shut the door behind him. He panted, feeling safe, feeling protected from those sorrowful eyes and knowing voices.

"I'm fine," he whispered, to no one in particular.

~

She stared after him, his quickly retreating back, his forced gait, his clenched fists, his cold meatloaf and warm pumpkin juice. "He needs to talk to someone," she said in a small voice, as she stared down at her own dinner, which she was triumphant to declare, was almost half eaten, and the rest rearranged on her plate to look as if she had been famished.

She heard a sigh, and looked up at Kingsley's weary face. "He just needs some time to himself," he said in his deep voice, a voice that made everything sound sincere and comforting.

"He's had time. He needs to talk to someone," she heard herself repeat, "He'll kill himself holding it all in." She was surprised at herself for saying this, surprised she had managed to notice so much about him, when it seemed for the past month, the only thing on her mind was that night at the Ministry. The night that Sirius…

"Stay out of it, Tonks," she heard Moody say gruffly, "Just leave him be."

Can't anyone else see he's in pain? Was she the only one who sees his dead, hollow eyes? The increasing specks of gray in his hair, of darkness under his eyes, of lines on his face?

"Right," she said. "I think I'll go to bed early. Good night." She left the table slowly, and trudged up the stairs, her mind wild with thoughts, but her legs feeling like they'll buckle at any moment and leave her crippled and useless.

She stopped outside Remus' room, not realizing she had. She knocked, not knowing what she had to say. Her heart rattled inside her chest, not understanding why.

~

Wouldn't Remus and Tonks rock together? 

Should I continue? Please review if you have the time!


	2. Naked

You guessed it. I don't own Harry Potter. *starts crooning strange Remus/Tonks chant*

~

Chapter 2

~

But then you came around me  
The walls just disappeared  
Nothing to surround me  
And keep me from my fears  
I'm unprotected ~Avril Lavigne

~

He heard the knock and promptly ignored it. He laid on his bed, and closed his eyes. He couldn't sleep anymore, but closing his eyes helped. It made the aching moments hurt less, you see; each minute his eyes were closed was another minute he'd survived... without HIM. And maybe, if enough minutes passed by, the moments would start to ache less. And maybe, after some more minutes have passed by, it wouldn't hurt at all. Maybe.

He heard a soft click and light, awkward footsteps coming into his room. Still ignorable. 

A silence passed, in which he had hoped whoever was there had left after coming to the conclusion he wasn't in a heart-to-heart chatting mood.

"Wotcher, Remus," said a soft voice.

"Please leave, Tonks," he said firmly, his eyes still closed. He was rude, he knew. But couldn't he be rude once every full moon? (Ironically, he was; but it was a situation he tried not to dwell on right now.)

"Why?" the voice blurted, "So you can go back to brooding?"

He opened his eyes slowly, and sat up, staring at the discomfited girl in front of him, who was staring back with just as much force. "Please, Tonks," he said quietly, his original determination gone, just leaving behind weariness and gray, "Just go."

And to his surprise, dismay, and almost amusement, Tonks instead, plopped down beside him on the bed, looked square into his eyes and said, "No."

~

Nymphadora Tonks was sure she had just done the dumbest thing she'd ever done. (Yes, really.) She hadn't meant for it to turn out this way. In fact, in her mind, the whole conversation would've been quite detached, and not involved nestling her bottom against Remus Lupin's bed. ("Are you alright?" "I'm fine." "Good. Good night, then." A very good, formidable conversation, and she would have managed to left with most of her dignity intact.) 

And now, she was sitting next to Remus, dignity no where to be seen, all but clutching to the courage she hoped she had; though with her faulty "courage", it usually ended up looking like foolishness instead.

It was a few moments before she remembered where she was, even though that was really all she was thinking about, and she looked up and saw worn up, fed up, had enough, seen enough eyes. Even his eyes are gray.

"I know you think you're helping, Tonks," he said, rising from the bed and heading toward the door, "But you're not. Now, go." His hand was on the doorknob.

"Wait!" she said suddenly, searching for the right thing to say, anything, anything at all. Remus stared at her from where he was, an odd expression on his face. "Ugh… erf… there's a… I… and…like… yeah…"

For a moment, just an instant between blinks, she was sure there was a glint of laughter in his eyes, reflected by the delicate moonlight, but a second later, it was gone. "Is there something you'd like to say?" he asked her with a carefully concealed voice.

"Well yes," she said indignantly, "But I'm trying to build up to it." After what felt like a long silence, she opened her mouth to attempt to speak again, which proved a horrible mistake.

"Um… it's… you… well… the thing is…" she stopped; helpless to the turn her ability to speak was taking her. 

"Yes, Tonks, I believe we covered that," he said curtly, looking at her with unmoving neutrality, and perhaps a bit of disappointment. "Now, if you would please," he said in polite indifference, reaching for the doorknob again.

And it was then she finally said what she had been trying so hard to say correctly, but it wasn't very correctly at all probably, and in such a small voice that Remus had to turn to make sure it wasn't the murmur of the midnight wind.

"What?" he said, frowning slightly. 

Her heart clenched tightly, feeling like it would burst in her chest all over again, leaving her empty and hollow and free.

"You never talk Sirius anymore. Since he… died." And a hoarse whisper afterwards, "Where are your tears?"

~

Yesss, I finally finished this chapter. I hate it with a passion, but what can you do? I don't have the next chapter written up at all, so I'm depending on your reviews to rev me on :) Please review!


	3. Somewhere Cold

I'm very, very bad. I'm sorry this chapter took so long! The only excuse I have for you is that I'm a procrastinator. And an asshole. However, I hope you all enjoy this chapter enough to forgive me. Thanks to everyone for your great reviews! I'm sorry if I alarmed anyone with the last chapter title "Naked" :) It's just the name of the Avril Lavigne song that I excerpted in the beginning. I don't own Harry Potter, blah blah, blah, now on with the show.

~

How can you see into my eyes   
Like open doors  
Leading you down into my core   
Where I've become so numb  
Without a soul   
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
Until you find it there and lead it back

Home ~Evanescence

~

It hurt. The words dug into his flesh, and he could feel it, his blood slowly pouring out of him, his knees wanting to give in, his body lying on the scratchy floor, on the ground where he belongs.

But he didn't. They were words, he reminded himself. Words that weren't true, words spoken by someone who didn't know anything. Who would never understand.

He hadn't noticed until now, how hard his teeth were clenched against each other, how his whole body had gone rigid, how pained and angry his stare towards Tonks was.

"You don't understand, Tonks," he elicited each word slowly, softly, maliciously. "You could never."

Tonks eyes were wide, and glinted strangely in the pale moonlight. Her voice was hoarse, and shook. "Why not, Remus? I miss him too. I loved—"

He leapt dangerously close to her, his hands clutching her shoulders, his eyes dark. She gasped in surprise and pain. "Remus…" she whispered painfully, her body weakly trying to fight his.

"Don't ever say you loved him. You could never understand. You could never… be worthy of loving him." 

He spoke the words coldly, in a cruel whisper, but afterwards he was instantly surprised. 

He let go of Tonks, and stumbled backwards, panting heavily as he leaned on a dusty wall. He stared, wide-eyed at his own hands, and looked at them as if there were blood on his fingers. Where had those words come from? Where had the grasp?

Tonks had slid to the floor, trying to control her violently trembling body, looking fiercely at him.

"So that's what this is all about," she said in a low voice, "You think you're special because he was your best friend, and not as much to us? You think you're the only one who deserves to grieve? You think you're the only one who loved him?" Her last words ended in a whisper, and she struggled to get up, to be face to face with him, eye to eye.

He didn't answer, only continued to stare down at his hands, and alternately looking terrified at Tonks.

She was standing her full height now, looking up at him, fists tight at her sides, and eyes shining with challenge. "So that's where your tears are? Can't shed them in front of us lowly mortals? Think you're the only one trying to be brave and holding it in, all high up on your throne?"

He turned now, looking her fully in the eyes, taking slow, agonizing steps toward her, as she looked bewildered, backing up toward the bed.

"So should I do what you do, then, and cry myself to sleep every night?" 

His satisfaction for hurting her only lasted a moment; his guilt and shame in causing her pain lasted so he couldn't forget.

~

Don't blink.

"Shut up, Remus," she whispered, her eyes aching, her throat throbbing, her heart breaking.

Don't blink.

"What, Tonks?" he said irritably, fingers pressing into his temples, eyes squeezed shut. "Hit a nerve?"

Don't blink.

He was wrong. He was stupid, he was wrong. She didn't… she was just moving on. Only when the pain was bad, and, oh, the pain was bad so often. It pounds her and pounds her, and sometimes she can't hold it in. Normal. Yes, it was normal. Not every night.

"I don't have to take this," she whispered at him, eyeing the door. "It's you. You're the one not… moving on. I'm fine. I'm the fine one."

Don't blink.

His eyes shot open, and he looked at her, hard. "And I have to take it? I have to be told that there's something wrong with me, that I'm being cold and selfish?" His voice rose. "I have to be told by YOU that I'm somehow wronging Sirius?"

She said nothing, just rose shakily to her feet and walked toward the door.

Don't blink, don't blink, don't blink.

His voice coming from behind her made her stop.

"You haven't moved on. You lecture about… closure… yet, you're just a hypocrite. That's why you cry at night, why you have to practice smiling in your bedroom, why you can't eat, why… you write letters to Sirius asking him to forgive you."

Don't blink.

She blinked. And her shoulders shook and her legs collapsed and her tears came and came and came.

~

Reviews are always greatly appreciated :) Thanks to everyone who's reviewed me so far. I'll definitely try to get the next chapter up sooner, but with school starting it's a bit hard (blasted!). I live for your feedback.


	4. Hurt

I don't own Harry Potter.

~

Chapter 4

~

I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything  
What have I become?  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know  
Goes away in the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt –Johnny Cash

~

And he was back again, where it was safe and warm and familiar.

"So, what do you think of Tonks?" asked Sirius from across the worn kitchen table as he noisily sipped his tea.

He looked up at him, surprised. "She's a lovely young lady," he responded, looking down at his own teacup.

Sirius snorted. "Gee Remus, 'lovely young lady'? When'd you turn 60?"

"Ten years ago, huge party and everything," he said caustically, looking up at Sirius with a half-smile as he took a sip of his tea.

Sirius ignored him. "Well, she's nice, right?"

He tried not to roll his eyes, and answered as indifferently as he could, "Of course she's nice. She's a lovely young lady."

They didn't talk for a while, drinking their tea in companionable silence. When Sirius did speak again, it was sudden and startled Remus.

"And she's pretty?"

He looked up and blinked. "Who?"

Sirius grinned. "The 'lovely young lady'."

Remus, who'd been drinking his tea unsuspectingly, started to sputter and cough. "No! I mean, yes. But I don't look at that! Oh, shut up," he winced at the snickering Sirius.

Sirius' laughter died down, and again, they were quiet, the only sounds in the hushed kitchen the slipping of tea, the clinking of cups and the pitter-patter of rain outside.

Abruptly, Sirius spoke again. "If you hurt her, I'll kill you."

"What?" he said, surprised at his old friend's remark, at his serious eyes and steady hands, wanting to explain to him that he would never, ever do anything to hurt her.

"I said, I hate you," whispered a sobbing Tonks, curled defensively on his cold floor.

For a moment, he didn't know where he was, looking around his dark bedroom for the kitchen table, for the chipped teacups and for Sirius.

He turned back to see only her, only pain. "Tonks," he whispered weakly, looking horrified at seeing Tonks in her vulnerable state. "Tonks… Tonks, please, don't…" He looked at her helplessly, as she struggled to get up and leave the room, that room tainted with bitterness and regret.

But before she could, his arms enveloped her trembling body tightly as if he would never let go and his kisses scattered her wet face as if he would never see another day.

~

She was surprised, to say the least.

At how tightly he held on, how frantic his kisses were, how he felt like home.

And it felt so good, so nice, to feel him all around her, to feel his kisses on her eyelids and her nose and her cheeks and to hear him murmuring in her hair "Please stop, please stop, please stop" that it took her long, too long to think no, no _you_ stop.

"No," she mumbled, her voice thick with her fallen tears. She started to push against his chest, trying to get herself out of his grasp, but he only clung to her more tightly.

"Remus…" she said more loudly, boldly, "Remus… let go of me. Let go!" And he, who had held on to her with such need that it broke her heart, looked at her now, really looked with sorrow in his eyes, and let go.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, looking at anything but her. "I didn't mean… to. To do that. Sorry." He turned away and ran his hand through his graying hair.

She didn't know what to do. She just wanted him to hold her again. She tried to explain.

"You don't get to do that," she said quietly, looking down. "You don't get to say the things you said to me, and then try to kiss it all away. You… you really hurt me."

He turned around, and when he looked up and she saw his eyes, she couldn't breathe.

He nodded mindlessly, as if he wasn't really there anymore. "I never meant," he said in a hollow voice, "to hurt you."

She tried not to look at his empty eyes, and nodded back. "I know."

Then, his gray eyes changed again, now stormy and full of sadness and he whispered to her, "I don't know what to do."

She reached out and touched his hand. "Me neither."

They stood for a while, just like that, two little boats who finally saw the harbor through the storm.

~

I am sorry beyond sorry that this chapter took so long. I was a little stuck on what I wanted to happen next. Thank you to everyone for your patience and continued positive feedback, and a special thanks to a lovely lady who emailed me to persuade me to get a move on this chapter. The next one, I promise will have less corny angst.

Feedback would be lovely beyond lovely and may encourage a more quickly delivered next chapter :)


	5. Many Moons

Chapter 5

* * *

Oh, this is the start of something good  
Don't you agree?  
I haven't felt like this in so many moons  
You know what I mean? –Gavin DeGraw

* * *

They sat very closely, very quietly, their backs against the bed and their knees against each other's. Her fingers were threaded into his, and it lay between their tired bodies without question, without comment. Neither wanted to say what both were thinking: how right they felt right now. How it felt that there had never been anything before, and nothing will ever come after, that this was true. That this was only .

A silent seat had been offered, and she had taken it. A hand had reached out for his, and he eased it into his own. Sometime between then and now, something had changed between them. It was something they couldn't put into words, so they didn't try.

And so, they were more than content to simply sit, in these last hours of darkness, enjoying the light touch of each other.

Until, as it was bound to eventually, she interrupted the languid, hushed mood with a soft laugh.

He turned to find her grinning broadly, her eyes closed. He smiled lightly to himself and boldly put his chin on her shoulder. There was something bold about it all, this night, this room, having this hand in his. "What are you smiling about?" he asked quietly.

She opened her eyes, and spun her head around, the tip of her nose brushing his. He leaned back a little, slipping his chin off her shoulder, surprised. She was so close, he thought.

If she noticed his reaction, she didn't show it. "I was thinking," she started to say, pausing. Thinking about what she was thinking. "I was thinking... what Sirius would say if he saw us right now."

She liked the idea, rolling it around in her head, on the tip of her tongue. "He would go berserks," she decided with confidence. "He would think I was hogging you, trying to keep you all to myself." She half-chuckled. "Always so protective and stingy with his friends. He was always so scared of losing you, you know?" Her eyes shone; she could see him now, right there, right in front of her. "He'd be livid too. The clumsy oaf of a girl snuggles up with his best mate, while he can't get a girl to glance at him properly while cooped up in this hole."

She looked over to him, as if to ask Don't you think so? to find him looking down at his lap. She furrowed her eyebrows, worried she had done something wrong. She always did something wrong.

"What is it?" she asked softly.

He did not reply for a while, continuing to look down with a determination, a fierceness.

Finally, he said, slowly, "He would hate me, Tonks."

She blinked, not understanding. She tipped her head closer to him, as if the problem lied in the acoustics. "What?"

He took a deep breath, and turned to look at her. He looked so miserable, she could've cried.

"Sirius would hate me. He would hurt me for how I hurt you. Tonks..." He turned away from her again. "... the things I said, the way I touched you. I can 't... I shouldn't..." And as if all the horrible things just grew and grew in his head, he continued incoherently, "I'm too old... a werewolf... I'm dirt, I'm nothing..." His voice grew smaller, and smaller, until there was nothing left, and the only thing he had left to take away was his hand from hers.

For a moment, she was stunned. So stunned, that she almost responded too late. As his fingers withdrew from hers, she decided to fight for this. She decided enough has been lost than for this, this thing they had to have to go too. As he began to get up and leave, she grabbed for his hand with both of hers in a panic. She held onto it, tightly, desperately.

"Remus, please. Please don't go, I don't want you to go." She felt a dread, a heaviness that pushed against her eyes and throat. Please, please, please, she thought. Please listen.

But he stood up anyway, trying to shake her hands loose of his. "Tonks," he said desolately, painfully, "We can't. I can't—I can't forgive myself for what I did... who I am. I..." He struggled to find the words. "I'm not... good enough for you."

She stumbled as she held on to the bed for leverage, and rose to her feet. He had quite a bit of height over her, but she looked him in the eyes just the same. She let go of his hand now, and it fell to his side.

"Well," she said, with a hard voice and hard eyes, "I guess you know what's best for me, then." Her look was unreadable. "I guess I'm just... too stupid, and too young to know when a good thing comes to me. Or maybe," there was a spark of boldness in her eyes, "Maybe, just maybe, you can let me decide for myself how I feel, and who I like and who's I good enough for me." Her voice softened slightly at the next part. "'Cause, Remus, I'm looking at you right now, and you look perfect."

An awkward silence passed. He was staring at her intently, as if trying to figure her out, as if she were a mystery, an eternal puzzle. She turned away from his gaze, suddenly gaining a profound interest in the scuffs of his robe.

"Tonks," he finally said, deciding not to acknowledge the latter part of her comment for now, "You know that's not what I meant. It's just that... there are so many reasons not to. You can't just ignore that. I'm older than you... as in, practically a generation older than you. And being a werewolf... you have to realize how difficult it'd be. Plus, the Order and... everything. It wouldn't be the time for this anyway, with the War. We just can't." He thought this sounded good, sounded strong. How could she deny what he said? Surely, she would be rational.

The darkness that veiled the sky before had begun to lift, and, as the black softened into a milky blue, he could see, for the first time that night, every little detail of her. She looked ethereal in the pale light, like she was a trick of his old eyes. But as he looked at her, strangely too, he was aware, he felt a kind of peace and rightness settle about him, like this should be the way he started every day; looking at her.

He looked away then. Giving her up would be difficult, he decided, but it would be okay after a while. It was how it had to be, and he was used to how it had to be by now. Though he thought, he wished, just this once, it didn't have to be how it had to be. He wished that just this once, he didn't have to lose again.

Well, he thought, as he looked down, do what you have to do, Tonks. You'll leave, and everything will be as it was. Just do it fast, just—

"What are you, daft or something?" She gave him a look of deep annoyance. "Okay," she said, as if talking to a child, "Just shut up for a minute. Shut your brain off for just one moment... that is, if you are capable of that." She gave him a teasing smirk. He was speechless.

Her smirk faded away, and she looked serious again. She reached out and took both his hands in hers.

Quietly, looking in his eyes, she asked, "Do you like me?"

He looked in her eyes, and couldn't lie. He nodded. "Yes," he whispered.

"Okay," she said, smiling, "Don't you dare tell anyone I said what I'm about to say." She took a deep breath, as if to prepare herself. "I like that you're... old, and scruffy, and... occasionally get 'wolfish'," she gave him a cheeky grin. "The point is though, I like you. When I look at you, and you're looking at me, I feel... I don't know, good, you know, like everything's going to be okay. I don't want that to go away. I don't want to lose you before we ever even gave it a shot. I know your brain is probably working on overdrive right now listing all the 'why not' reasons. But you gotta just ignore that and... listen to your heart. We can't know if it's gonna be good unless we try... as unromantic as that sounds. I don't want to hurt you. I just want a chance. Take a chance on me, Remus." She wrinkled her nose in distaste, "Think I'm ready to puke now, I sounded like a candy heart. If you don't sweep me into your arms after this, I seriously—"

Luckily, he did sweep her up in his arms, kissing her fervently, leaving her speechless.

"Wow," she gasped, as she tried to catch her breath. "That was... well worth a night of emotional drama and traumatic sentimental mush."

"Why, thank you," he smiled, "I do what I can."

They were flopped out on top of his bed, hands entwined and her head on his stomach. Their hair and clothing had become rumpled and disheveled (though still intact, she said, because mind you, she was not that kind of girl on the first "date") from the course of events, but they were fairly content despite it all.

She started to hum listlessly, as he lay quietly with a goofy grin. He was emotionally exhausted, but he felt at peace looking at the girl lying on him. As he gazed at her in the soft light, he felt as if a weight was lifted from him, an emptiness he didn't know he possessed begin to fill. This weight, this hole (for it always felt like both) has been blamed on Sirius' death, had even been welcomed because of it. He completely immersed himself in this dulling heaviness, dug himself further into this hole. After all, it was better than pain, right? Better than really feeling. For a time, he stayed this way, and despite the bleak and hopeless future it presented, he felt safe. It was a bit lonely, but he understood there was a price for everything. It didn't hurt, and that was what he cared about. It took him far less time, in just a moment that she took him by the hands, to realize that this weight, this hole had been with him for a long, long time, far longer than Sirius' death. For years, it crept into his being, making itself at home while he took no notice at all. It manifested itself in the lines on his face, the grays in his hair and the introversion of his character. It had started not with Sirius, but uncountable years ago when he lost hope on finding love. That anyone could ever want... someone like him. It had been so much easier to retreat into this cage he built himself than to face the world outside of imminent pain and heartbreak. But there she was. Still there, on top of him, still humming her silly tune. Take a chance, she had said as she broke away all his defenses, take a chance. And he realized that he had been waiting for those words all along from behind the bars of that cage, with his heart grasped tightly in his hands. For the first time in his life, he felt completely ready to go, ready to live, ready to give his heart away, finally. And it was then, in a mix of horror and amusement that Remus realized that Tonks was his prince in shining armor, freeing him from his cage, kissing him awake from his poisoned slumber and pulling him onto her noble stead.

The scandalized look on his face must have caught her attention, because when he focused his eyes onto her, she was staring back at him with a stern look on her face.

"Stop," she said, raising her eyebrows.

"What?" he said, genuinely confused, wondering about the kind of frocks that was required of princesses like him.

"Thinking," she said, poking him in the ribs with an extended finger.

He was about to protest that thinking never hurt anyone, and in fact, many, many nice things would have never existed without a good think; but for once, he decided against it. He obligingly shut his mind off, and with a half-smile, leaned over and kissed her on the nose, then rubbed his nose gently against hers.

He leaned back again against the headboard, looking out the window and unconsciously playing with one of her bubblegum pink spikes.

She peeked at him from the corner of her eyes, sighing dramatically. When he didn't respond, she reached up and flicked his nose. He blinked, looking at her surprised, and brought his hand up to rub his nose, awkwardly. "What was that for?" he asked.

"You're thinking again. You're completely hopeless," she proclaimed. "I bet you don't even know you're doing it, like it's a chronic illness or something."

He laughed, and pulled her up so that she sat against him on the bed. "I suppose," he said, "That it is just my unfortunate fate to be the man who is unable to cease thought."

She burrowed into him a bit, and they sat, quietly for a moment. "What were you thinking about?" she asked casually, taking his hands in hers and playing with his fingers.

"Well," he said, and suddenly, like the whole night just finally hit him in a huge blow, he felt very tired yet overwhelmed at the same time of what the world would be like if he were to sleep and awaken in a new day. "I was thinking... what's going to happen now?"

"Ahh," she said, "This is of utmost importance. I insist you take me out to dinner Friday night and we have a most dandy time."

He laughed again, and gave her a squeeze with his arms. "Duly noted." He paused before his next comment. "And Sirius?"

She tilted her head a bit to the side so that she could see him. "I think... Sirius wouldn't be mad if maybe, we didn't think about him as much anymore, and when we do, it can be happy, not just sad. And... we keep going, we keep living. Just because we don't think about him as much doesn't mean we don't love him as much as before. He would understand. And we'll be okay." She turned away again, and sighed into his old robe.

A silence followed. He didn't know what to say for the longest time. He wanted to cry and laugh, and hold her even tighter. Finally, he croaked, "Thank you."

She clasped his hands between hers and nodded. Looking out the window, she grinned. "The sun's coming up."

He looked too. "Yes," he said, "It is."

* * *

END

* * *

I do not own Harry Potter (I should've put this in the beginning but I didn't want to delay this chapter any further with notes like that!)

I apologize deeply for this incredibly belated chapter. I've been writing it on and off all summer, and it was just so difficult to know what to do with it. I got the final push to finish it tonight because I'm going on vacation tomorrow, and when I return, school will start (!) and I knew that I would never be able to finish it then. It actually took me over a year to write a 5-chapter fic. I am horrible, just horrible. I hope you can all forgive me with this somewhat long chapter. Please tell me how you feel about it, because I'm not sure about it at all. It's late, and I don't even have time to look it over. It's a little messy, but I hope it's real.

I hope you guys understand the significance of the slight layout change from previous chapters.

By the way, not much of a Gavin DeGraw fan, but I heard this song on the radio and felt the lyrics were what I was looking for.

So ends our journey together, but certainly, not my continuous tirade for Remus/Tonks! Thank you to all the readers for your great reviews and support, it has meant everything to me. Your guys have been so patient with me (and I've given so little in return). Thank you, and hopefully, I'll see you guys again in your own great works of fiction. Until then!


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